Why I Decided to Shoot Gatsby and not Tom

                      Tom was indeed a source of irritation for me. However, I did not believe him to be the man who had stolen away my wife. I merely thought him to be the man who lorded over me, showing off his wealth, in the way rich men do. I thought him harmless, just an annoying prick who held the key to my financial problems. Besides, Tom had pulled into my garage with Nick and Jordan in one car, when that same day Myrtle had been killed by someone in the other, yellow car. I knew that he knew who owned the car though, because I’d seen him drive it before. So I couldn't kill him, he was the key to finding my wife’s killer. I didn't want to kill him either. Even though he was annoying, you shouldn't go around killing people just because they’re pricks. When I went to see Tom, to get the name of the man of who took away my Myrtle from me, I was directed to Gatsby. I was ready to kill the man who I thought had taken my wife; I had no urge to kill the prick who lorded over me. Especially since that might jeopardize my chances at killing Gatsby, the man who I believed Myrtle was cheating with.

What I was Feeling Right before I Committed Suicide

            God was testing me, I now realize. As I looked down upon the body of Gatsby, I felt no great relief. I felt betrayed, both by my God and by my spouse. I felt anger, I felt pain, and I felt everything in a great raging swathe of emotion. Before I killed him, I was numb. I had been overwhelmed by everything that had occurred. I had focused on one objective, which was to kill the man who Myrtle had been unfaithful with. This man was to die, because I believed God was telling me to kill him, to take my revenge. Oh, how wrong I was. After I killed Gatsby, my emotions came back. I could feel no relief, only grief. Why did I feel no sense of divine righteousness? Then I realized that the Eyes of God were not telling me to kill a man, they were telling me that he was watching. He was testing me, to see if I could endure yet another test. I felt betrayed. Why would God place this undue burden upon me? Why did my wife leave me for a strange man, who lay in a pool dead by my hand? Why did I kill a man when deep down I knew that God never wants us to kill? I felt overwhelmed with emotions and questions. So many questions, so many feelings. I had to stop them. I had to. They hurt me too much.

What I was Thinking About When Myrtle Drove to New York with Tom

                 It was always rather odd. Tom visiting my shop, that is. The first time, I just couldn't believe that a rich man would stop by my place, in the middle of the Valley of Ashes, to see me. I mean, it's filthy here, and he was, well, rich and polished. He also kept lollygagging on sale, which I thought was him lording over me, to show off his wealth. But he could have done that with anyone, why pick me? It was very strange, and exasperating.
                 Then I also began to notice the effect he had on Myrtle. Every time he pulled up to visit, she would become excited and as giddy as a schoolgirl. She'd always been captivated by the rich and their lifestyles, and she had been treating me with melancholy for awhile now. But it did surprise me when she would treat me as if I didn't exist around him (or at least as if I were some butler she didn't even need to pay heed to). When she glided past me, only addressing me to get me to bring in chairs for everyone, I thought it was rather strange that this case of rich-lifestyle obsession was so severe. Then when she left for New York with him, I became really puzzled. I was thinking about how odd the whole situation was, what with him visiting us, and with Myrtle being even more rich-person obsessed than normal. But she was my wife, so I decided to trust her, isn't that what the Bible says to do? But I couldn't stop thinking on how weird the whole arrangement was.